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Ex-Police, Ex-Military, Ex-Government Investigators, International
Fraud Specialists, Former Undercover Agents and Experienced Field
Operatives
The Private Group Pty Ltd - Investigations Divisions - articles
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HOME To Articles To Investigators To Security
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Abusive relationships are not always easily observed from the outside. They are not always about men abusing woman as the stereotype would have you believe. Abuse takes many forms, including emotional, verbal, physical or sexual.
They are all about power.
Very few relationships, unless you include Bondage, S&M type relationships start out as abusive.
The two I mentioned earlier, bondage and S & M, have one party ceding power to the other in an accepting relationship. Whilst this may appear abhorant to some, and unbelievable to others, it would appear to be true. On the internet you will see sites devoted to master/slave relationships with submissive persons advertising for a new 'master' and masters seeking slaves to collar.
Within the 'normal' parameters of society this is considered an aberation. Of course most of us are still searching for that 'average' person.
In a normal relationship power is taken and given over certain area's. In the stereotyped relationship the mother and father have 'roles'. These roles give them power over certain area's. When a partnership is formed, such as a marriage, there is often a period of power struggle, and adjustment, in the first 12 months, as the parties attempt to work out who holds the decision making power over an area of their lives.
In normal relationship, including good marriages, you may see one party appears 'subserviant' to the others. Quite often it is the female, especially in the once common scenario of a male who goes out and works, and a female who stays home and works as the care giver, school volunteer and social glue of the relationship. This goes against the grain of the modern feminist, however, it is just another model within the 'norm' that works. The big difference is that that this model works by mutual agreement, not force.
In an abusive relationship it generally means one party has had their power and control taken from them, not given as in the above discussions.
They are characterised by things such as control games (head games), violence, jealousy, threats, removal or withholding of 'things' one party enjoys, the withholding of sex and emotional contact, as well as forced sex. An emotionally abusive partner is harder to pin point. Woman are far more skilled at this than men. Males tend to try and put their arguement as logical, females tend to use more emotive arguements. An emotional abuser may make their partner think they aren't good enough, use 'put down' language, assign blame to the partner when things go wrong and keep the partner in a state of low self esteem and depression. They may manipulate conditions to reduce their partners 'worth'. They gain their power from the other persons lows. The partner with the low self esteem is unlikely to fight back when pinned in this position. Sometimes it is done without the oppressed partners concious knowledge.
These abuses are often cyclic, and may be cycles within cycles with the same people being the abuser and the abused in different relationships as they travel through life.
It is not uncommon, when interogating police computer systems, to see the same person has made domestic violence complaints against several partners over a number of years.
This may be an indication that the characteristics they see as desireable in a mate, on first contact, later become the characteristics of an abuser. It may also be an indication that some people like to play the 'victim' when ending a relationship. Or a combination of both. The same person may also be listed as the domestic violence abuser for the same reasons.
